Let’s face it. Some days are just – bad.
Today is one of those days for me. The feelings just won’t go away. And it’s more than a bit depressing to a guy who at least tries to always be optimistic.
My early morning walk – which I did not omit – was listless. And it did nothing to shake me out of the doldrums. The mood didn’t surprise me – I knew the likely reasons. But it still irked me. Let me explain.
Last evening my dinner just didn’t sit well. Stomach pains and bloating began shortly after my meal and intensified. And a few other “conditions” are conspiring to test my limits of patience, pain tolerance and my ability to be mindful. At the moment, I’m feeling like an abject failure.
Sleep was restless. This morning, even though my stomach pain is less, my B-12 deficiency, cracked S-1/L-5 vertebrae, hip and leg pains have decided to overexert their influence. A few choice words I rarely use are banging around in my head hoping to escape. I’ll keep them out of this post. Thankfully, I’m rarely sick and “downs” are even more rare.
I debated whether or not I should share this today and almost decided against it. I think I feel like it’s a blow to my self-image. Just now I found this: “A bad day for your ego is a great day for your soul.” Jillian Michaels, TV personality and personal trainer. That might just apply in my case today.
Everyone has a bad day now and then. I know I’m not alone. So here I am, sharing. Frankly, it’s feeling like a lost day but is it really? If it is, in fact, a good day for my soul, then I’m guessing it’s not a lost day. I’d also deduce there could be something I should do. It occurs to me that this post might just be the “something I should be doing.”
But, maybe only if I can actually find the good currently hiding within the layers of doubt. I’m going to stop writing for the day and pick this up tomorrow. I’m going to do some soul searching.
The Dawning of a New Day
“The sun himself is weak when he first rises, and gathers strength and courage as the day gets on.” Charles Dickens. I nod with understanding.
I awoke today after a better night’s sleep with the awareness that pain had lessened its grip on me. I was thankful. And my early morning walk with earphones and Spotify, morphed into a few dance moves that vanquished some of the previous day’s pains.
Halfway through my walk the sun began to peak over the mountains to the east with a warmth that chased away a few more patches of pain. The sun let me borrow his growing strength as he rose. It was a good start to the day.
At the moment, I’m realizing that I don’t always have to find immediate meaning in everything. Perhaps the learning and answers I seek lie within the unknowing. Maybe it’s all about acceptance, and tolerance. Maybe patience wants its say. I’m letting go.
“When life is sweet, say thank you and celebrate. And when life is bitter, say thank you and grow.” Shauna Niequist. I believe this was in her book “Bittersweet.” This best selling author recounted her experiences with pain, loss, and the paradoxes of living. It’s helping me right now.
Life’s Peaks and Valleys
The ups and downs of daily living won’t ever go away. Nor should they. This is what makes life rich and meaningful. The sheer delight of a magical moment may or may not be just around the corner for me. But when joy comes, I know this challenging day will be its foundation. It’s the “grow” part of Niequist’s encouragement.
It’s the yin and yang of life that makes it so sweet. If there was no night, could there even be a day? In sports, everyone wants to win. But for every winner there is at least one loser. On the PGA Tour, usually there are 150 entrants for each tournament. Only one emerges victorious. Those are tough odds.
My son is a college head basketball coach. At this level winning is everything. But no one wins them all. When recruiting, he and all coaches look for players they feel are winners. Talent and hard work are crucial. But how do you determine who is a “winner” when winning is relatively rare?
My son tells me that winners are the ones who can pick themselves up after a loss. They somehow understand the ups and downs of life that we’re talking about. Without that understanding and ability to dig deep, muster up the additional effort needed, and keep trying, losing streaks would last much longer.
Michael Jordan’s inspirational speeches to corporate executives and sales people would often include references to all his game winning last second shots. But he would always include one important truth. He missed many game winning attempts. They motivated him and he got up and kept going.
Loss strengthens resolve just like hunger encourages the hunt. If you never lost or felt any pain what would be the motivation to accomplish? And how would we truly appreciate beauty and feel joy if their opposites never visited us? Peaks and valleys.
The past 24 hours or so had meaning. I realized where I was. I knew I could do little about the situation. Could I have taken some pills? Could I have “medicated” my mental state with an adult beverage? Yes, but that would have been the easy way out and I might have missed some needed reflection. In essence, I honored the mood for its ability to teach me.
Maybe you’re going through something right now. Maybe you’re fighting it off. Maybe you’re in the midst of a several day long funk. That’s okay. In fact, honor it. When you’re ready, there’s always at least one thing that will work very well. Even if you’ve fallen hard.
But how do we get there? How do we find that “thing.”
How to Transcend Every Obstacle
This post cannot list all the potential remedies for recoveries. After all, every situation is different. But I do want to share a single signpost that gives us a promising heading.
What I’m going to present is a thought process that allows for failure and unwanted moods but that also virtually assures an eventual positive outcome. I’m on that heading right now. I’m not blaming myself. I’m not even blaming my pain or deficiencies. I’m saying instead, thank you for the opportunity to grow. I see it as self-compassion. A very useful tool.
In Carol Dweck’s book “Mindset” she talks about the “growth mindset” and the “fixed mindset.” In her extensive research she uncovered dozens of different situations that demonstrate the difference that mindset makes.
For the sake of brevity, I’m going to condense her conclusions into brief descriptions of each type of mindset.
The Fixed Mindset: With this thought and belief stance, a person accepts that whatever has happened is unchangeable. If you fail, you’re a failure. That’s that. If you’re smart, you’re smart. If not smart (or powerful, or optimistic, etc,), well, there’s nothing to be done but to avoid situations that reveal or test your weaknesses. It’s a fixed or closed mindset.
The Growth Mindset: In this case, a failure, a mood, or a bad day does not constitute a failure but is simply a learning or a growth opportunity. Growth mindsets allow for discoveries and multiple attempts to improve. It’s an open (flexible) mindset.
In her book, Dweck maintains that mindsets can be changed and outlines the importance of turning fixed mindsets into growth mindsets. It’s well beyond the scope of this post to address those steps, but mindfulness and self-compassion make for a good start.
To conclude, I’m now feeling inspired. My openness to this “signpost” has changed my focus and pointed me down a better path. I’m not a failure. And neither are you, my friend.
